July 21, 2009 Jason

98% Transparent

I hate mornings, cus I always stay up/
at night/ constantly thinkin ’bout stuff/
like “why dream if I gotta wake up?”/
cus dreams and reality never shape up/
to match/ well maybe I’m pessimistic/
I grew up as an intelligent kid/
got a bachelor’s degree, but this is/
the thought that I’m currently battling with/
got a degree, now I’m gonna get paid/
oops, it seems like minimum wage/
but it’s ok/
cus if I keep working in my field of profession, I’m gonna be straight/
but that was 6 years ago from today/
and the wages can’t seem to pay my loans/
I’m so far gone, that it seems impossible for my credit score to pay for a home/
even when I daydream, I’m like “wow”/
I keep hearing the echos of my vows/
I promised my wife, a brand new light/
where she is the Queen and her throne is my life/
excuse my french, but I’m like “damn”/
at times I feel like less than a man/
I feel like I took her from her dad’s hands/
and introduced her to a life so bland/
now we got kids, a boy and a girl/
and this is their intro into the world/
I’m sorry wifey, kids and myself/
Exhausted from praying to God for help/
but I ain’t gonna stray, let’s get that straight/
eventho some nights, no food on the plate/
it’s a gift and a curse to be a contemplat/-or
it seems like I contemplate more/
on the negative/
but negative’s norm when you’re constantly living in a deficit/
and I know that this whole rap is solemn/
my faith is dying and I’m at the bottom/
a big time mess and a big time blessing/
tends to balance itself out, zero, I’m back in/
I’m not suicidal, I’m not gonna quit/
I’m still on the boat just floating a drift/
and if I’m still here, then it all could turn around/
or crash eventually and possibly drown/
in my sorrow…hold up wait/
since I’m venting, let me just say/
I miss my fam, and my in-laws/
I know Oklahoma seems really far/
from Boston and VA…*sigh* either throw stones or pray for Jay/


Comment (1)

  1. Wow Twin. Keep your head up! You’ve been such a blessing to others…me included. A person of your worth have blessings lined up around the corner. Just keep faith and continue striving. Your pay off will be even better after you’ve weathered this storm.

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