August 28, 2014 Jason

The Foundation of Friendship Series: Part 3 – Software, Apps & Ground Zero

This is the last part of the series. So far, we talked about beautiful beach homes with their weak foundations. We also talked about celebrity couples who only last a few months, the playa playa who only wants the drawls, and the platonic BFFs who are afraid to take it further. The underlying theme is weak foundations and lack of friendships. Before I break down the importance of friendships, let me expound on my last point from Part 2: The platonic BFFs who are prisoners within their friendship.

You guys heard of Windows 7, right? (It’s an operating system, for those who don’t know) Now I know you know about Microsoft Word, right? (It’s software that you install within Windows 7).

Stay with me here.

english-appsLet’s say that friendship is the operating system. It makes sense because you should operate out of friendship at all times. Here is where the platonic BFFs tend to hesitate. They are afraid to transition into a relationship, even if they have feelings for each other, because they believe that a romantic relationship is an operating system as well. So in their mind, they think that they have to “replace” the operating system. On the contrary, a romantic relationship is more like software (a la Microsoft Word).

Let’s break it down for my smart phone users. Friendship = iOS or Android; Relationships = Apps. You want a romantic relationship? There’s an app for that. You want a business relationship? There’s an app for that. There are quite a few relationship “apps”, but without iOS or Android installed, these “apps” won’t work [out]. I’m telling you, friendship is the core, the glue, the foundation that gives relationships longevity.

Ok…let me bring this thing full circle…*sips water*

When you are building a home, the very first thing you build, after breaking ground, is the foundation. Any contractor or architect can tell you how important it is to have a solid foundation. The biggest/oldest of trees have a strong root underground that is holding it up. Strong winds over the years may knock some branches off, but that tree will still stand. Since homes can’t grow from the ground like trees, we have to make man-made roots, called “foundations.”

“He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.” – Luke 6:48

The stronger the foundation is, the more invincible the building becomes. Since the foundation of friendship is the topic in this series, allow me to use a few relatable examples. If the foundation of friendship is weak, and you build a relationship on top of that, then the lightest of storms can come through and demolish your relationship. (Most storms come in the form of arguments) Building a foundation is critical. In order to even build a foundation, you have to dig. Dig into each other’s life. Learn each other. Learn how to hold a convo. Learn each other’s characteristics. If you do not know your significant other’s characteristics, anyone can spread a rumor about him or her and it will rattle your brain. Paranoia will start to take over and next thing you know, you’re trying to remember his or her’s password to their phone to snoop around.

DISCLAIMER: Now, I’m NOT saying that a foundation of friendship eliminates doubt in these situations, but it certainly reduces the stress.

When you’re not interested in making friends or building a foundation, then you have to spit game to a stranger or an associate at best. If you’re a foundation type of person, then you make friends, and when the time is right for you to hook up with someone, you can just…*wait for it, wait for it*…go to your FRIEND. Now, for the people who became lovers THEN friends, despite the order in which the relationship was built, as long as you do have the friendship in there, you’re still on the right track. For both scenarios, just like the operating system/software analogy, BOTH requires updates and maintenance. If you started out friends, then became lovers, you still have to work at both, the friendship side and romantic side of things.

old-black-coupleWhen it’s all said and done, and the sex is over, and you guys get older…you’re gonna need a friend as well or else “irreconcilable differences” could be in your future. If you build a solid foundation of friendship, no matter what you build on top of that, it will be solid as well. Again, let me reiterate, I’m not saying that you will be exempt from a possible breakup if you build a foundation of friendship. Many homes can still get damaged despite a solid foundation. I’m just driving home the point that majority of these fly-by-night relationships have weak foundations to begin with. Better foundation/friendship = longer lasting relationship. But hey…I’m no Marriage and Family Therapist. I’m just a guy who’s been married to my best friend for over 8 years, with 3 kids. So in the words of the HodgeTwins (YouTube them), “At the end of the day, all of this is just advice…you can do whatever the [heck] you wanna do.

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